Never again
by nukagirl
Summary: It was the hottest day of the year, but despite the heat, Remus was shivering from head to foot. His knees were pulled to his chest and tears were soaking his pale cheeks. There was only one person that could comfort him right now.


The sun shone through the window of the Gryffindor dormitory. The sky was bright blue and heat filled the room. Even from the tower, yells of joy and laughter of many students playing and swimming in the great lake could be heard. People playing on their brooms raced around the castle, laughing and cheering.

But despite the heat, Remus was shivering form head to foot. He was sitting on the floor, next to his bed which hid him in the shadows. His knees were pulled tight against his chest, and he hugged them, pulling them closer. Tears were running heavily down his face, soaking his pale cheeks. He didn't bother to wipe them away as his body quacked with loud sobs. A dull ache filled him, a pain he had got use to years ago. His bones thudded, pounding in time with his abnormally fast heartbeat. His finger tips dug into his legs, causing tiny droplets of blood to appear.

The door creaked open, causing a startled Remus to look up. James walked in slowly, with a sense of caution about him. He heard Remus's cried and made his way over the brown-haired teenager.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Remus yelled, stopping James in his tracks.

"Remus…." James said quietly, and then continued to Remus. James sat down next to him, and pulled the shaking boy against him. Remus tensed up, not use to the touch.

"I'm….I'm so sorry….J…James…I….I didn't mean to…to hurt him…I…I just l….lost control….I couldn't do….do anything….I…I'm s…so…so…sorry" Remus cried, his tears growing heavier. Remus rarely cried, but when he did, he found it hard to stop. James put an arm round Remus's shoulders, hugging him slightly.

"It's ok, Remus, I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt him, I know it was an accident, you couldn't do anything to prevent it" James told him. Remus shook his head.

"I….I…should've never…allowed you th….three to come with…me….it was to…too dangerous" he sobbed, hiding his face into his knees.

"Remus….we all knew the risks" James told him, feeling slightly lost for words. James never did the comforting, it was always Remus. Remus comforted James when he felt down about Lily. Remus comforted Sirius when he had problems with his family, and Peter when he got bullied or upset about school work. Never before had Remus needed to be comforted. And James was the worst possible person to do it. Sirius, even Peter, would be better at this. They know more about feelings and junk. But Remus needed someone now, and James had to do it.

"We knew the dangers, but we knew that it would help you, and that is all that matters" James continued, "You needed us and we will always be there to help you, no matter how high the risk" Remus whimpered.

"But….but…Sirius…"

"Hey, hey" James said, his voice soft, as Remus's whole body shook, "Sirius is ok, you didn't bit him and the cuts aren't too deep" James informed him, "He'll have a massive scar that he will show off with some wild story, but he'll be ok and out with you by the next full moon" Remus shook his head again.

"No! No, never again, you three are never going to come with me ever again" he said, firmly, but there was a hint of sadness echoing in his words.

"Come on, Moony, then all our effect will go to waste" James half-laughed, "You know, just as well as I do, that your transformations aren't half as bad with me, Padfoot and Wormtail there with you, and you are less likely to escape the shack with us there"

Remus didn't reply, not wanting to admit the truth. Tears covered his face, blinding him. James fall silent, holding Remus close in his embrace.

"I…I don't want to hurt….anyone" Remus cried.

"I know, Moony" James whispered, wishing he could take all the pain away, "I know you don't"

"I don't want to hurt anyone" Remus mumbled again, his voice drowned out by the sobs. James let out a small, sad sigh, and gently rocked Remus, like his mother did to him wither he was upset.

"You should go to the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey is worried about you" James finally said, as the tears decreased slightly, "You need to get some dreamless sleep potion and a pain relief potion" James told the crying boy, knowing his routine by heart now.

James didn't receive a reply until ten minutes later, when Remus stood up, stumbling slightly. His face was pale, with bright red, puffy eyes. Tears still leaked from hi eyes, and James knew it would be a while until the tears finally stop. James stood up as well, enveloping Remus. Remus hugged back tightly, digging his face into James's chest. He clutched at James's t-shirt, holding it in tight fists.

Just as James was registering how awkward the situation was, Remus broke away. He nodded and then left the dormitory, heading for the hospital wing. As everyone was out, enjoying the precious English summer weather, Remus met no one on the way to the hospital wing.

Madam Pomfrey was in the Hospital office when Remus arrived so didn't notice his presents. Remus hesitated for a moment, before slowly walking over to the only occupied bed.

Sirius was laying still, his normal slightly tanned complex pale. His black hair, which hanged across his face, made his skin seem even paler, almost like a ghost. If it wasn't for the painful raising and sinking of the stomach, Remus would have thought him dead. Remus sat in a chair that was next to the bed, taking in his best friend. The tears overtook him and Remus lent his head on the side of the bed, clutching at it as the sheets got soaked with the salty liquid. He felt a hand being placed on his head.

"What's with the tears?" came Sirius's voice; it was small and slightly broken.

"I….I'm so…so…sorry" Remus cried, not trusting himself to look up.

"Hey, it's ok, I probably asked for it with all the teasing I give you" Sirius tried to laugh.

"I…I'm…sorry" Remus repeated, as Sirius slowly began to stroke Remus's hair. The hairs on the back of Remus's neck stood on end at the touch.

"Remus…look at me" Sirius said, quietly. When Remus didn't, Sirius moved his hand to Remus's cheek, slowly stroking it, and then to his chin, lifting Remus's face so they were looking at each other.

"This wasn't your fault, so I don't blame you" Sirius told him. Remus looked at him, tears running through Sirius's fingertips.

"But…but what if…if I bite you?...what if….?" Remus started, in a slight begging tone.

"Stop with the 'what ifs?' They don't help anyone" Sirius cut him off. Sirius lifted his hand and wiped the tears away. Remus closed his eyes, leaning into the raven-haired boy's touch.

"Padfoot…." Remus sighed, taking hold of Sirius's other hand. Sirius smiled. Remus lent down, resting his head on Sirius's chest. Sirius resumed stroking Remus's hair, while Remus's breathing evened out, meaning he was asleep. Sirius looked at him, and gently kissed Remus's head, which was against his chin.

"Sweet dreams, Moony"


End file.
